Lights Will Guide You Home
by XOXOJordan
Summary: Things were going good for Ryan. He had been living with the Cohen's for nearly six months and for once in his life he felt like he was a part of something. Will the Cohen's still be there for him when he needs them the most?
1. Chapter 1

Ryan hit his alarm for the fourth time that morning and groaned. He did not want to get up out of bed. The past week all he wanted to do was sleep. He didn't know what was wrong with him. Ever since he moved in with the Cohen's his life had become pretty busy, school, working at the Crab Shack, plus Soccer practices. Then he had to find time to hang out with Marissa and of course Seth and Sandy and Kirsten. But there was no way he could be that exhausted.

Realizing he only had a good twenty minutes before he had to leave for school, or risk being late and listening to the wrath of Dr. Kim, he hurriedly jumped in the shower and over to the main house to hopefully grab a cup of coffee and a bagel.

"Ah he rises." Sandy said laughing at his own joke as Ryan entered the kitchen. He was in the process of schmering a bagel, something that he had explained to Ryan numerous times, was an art. After spreading the cream cheese he handed it to Ryan.

"Overslept." He explained quickly as he took a bite. "I have a history test today, was up late studying."

Kirsten looked at Ryan skeptically then over at Seth who was eating a bowl of cereal. "Seth I didn't see you studying for a history test? Aren't you boys in the same class?"

Ryan quickly wracked his brain trying to think of an excuse, luckily Seth beat him too it. "Who knew the boy from Chino would have a better Academic Achievement then the kid who grew up at Harbor?"

Kirsten glared and Sandy sighed. "Seth if you do not do well on this test you our grounded. Now I think I just heard a car horn. Marissa must be here."

Ryan ignored Seth as much as possible. He didn't want the sarcastic Cohen to ask him fifty million questions about why Ryan lied about having a test. He was lucky Seth had had his back that morning but he did owe him one, or fifty. There was all the times he covered up so Seth could do God knows what with Summer. It wasn't like he liked lying to the Cohen's but he didn't need them to worry about him. They already did enough for him

"Ryan, if you want me to cover up for you and Marissa next time you have to give me a little warning." Seth said as he sat down next to Ryan on a couch in the lounge.

"Huh?" Ryan asked as he was woken up. He hadn't even realized he had fallen asleep.

"You were up late last night with Marissa?" Seth said in his sarcastic duh tone. "That's why you lied about the test. Thanks a lot by the way now mom thinks I'm some slacker or something."

"You are a slacker?"

"Yeah but mom doesn't need to know that." Standing up he slung his backpack over his shoulder. "Me and Summer are going to the beach after school so you can have the car to get home after soccer practice.

He hadn't been to soccer practice in a week. His days had consisted of going to school and coming home and sleeping. He even skipped dinner twice. Kirsten hadn't like the idea but he assured her that he would come and get a sandwich later on. If it wasn't for the fact that his reason for skipping was because he was studying he was pretty sure she would have dragged him to the dinner table herself.

"Ryan Atwood could I please speak with you?" Mrs. Say his English teacher asked just as the bell rang. While all the other students exited the class room Ryan stayed in his seat. He already knew what he was going to get in trouble for; he had fallen asleep in class, something Mrs. Say hated.

"Is my class boring to you Mr. Atwood?" She asked once the room was empty. Ryan shook his head. He actually enjoyed English class, and the book they were currently reading. "This is the second time I have caught you falling asleep in my class and your grades are begging to slip drastically."

"I'm sorry."

"Ryan sorry isn't going to cut it. In order for you to pass the class you are going to have to ace your midterm as well as your research paper. You're a bright student Ryan you had one of the highest grades in the class what is going on?"

"Nothing I've just been distracted." It wasn't necessarily a lie. He had been pretty distracted lately even if it was by sleep.

"Is everything alright at home with the Cohen's?"

Ryan automatically jumped to the Cohen's defense. "Of course it is. The Cohen's are great. There the best parents I've ever had."

Mrs. Say sighed. "Alright just please no more falling asleep in my class and remember you have to ace your midterm and your final paper if you want to pass."

When Ryan got home that afternoon he went to the pool house and got everything ready for an afternoon spend of studying. He had his English book open as well as his study guide all ready to go. However his mind had other ideas and the exhaustion he had been fighting all day won the battle.

"Ryan dinner is ready." Kirsten said as she knocked on the pool house door before slowly opening it. She sighed when she saw Ryan's English book resting on his chest his hands clasped over it and his eyes closed. This wasn't the first time she had found him like this that week. She was proud that he was taking his education seriously; something she wished Seth would due, but she knew he was a teenager. He needed to have some fun too.

Walking over to his bed she gently shook him to wake him up. "Hey sleepy head," She said with a smile when his eyes opened. "Dinner is here."

"I must have fallen asleep studying." Ryan said as he sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "I'll be there in just a second."

Kirsten looked at him with a concerned look on her face. "Are you feeling alright?" She asked as she placed her hand on his forehead. "You have been falling asleep an awful lot lately."

"Soccer is getting pretty tough. I'll be fine though." He said as he got up and headed to the bathroom to wash up.

Kirsten couldn't help but notice a green bruise that stuck out on his back where is t-shirt had ridden up as he walked to the bathroom.


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the week went on like this. He went to school, skipped soccer, came home and slept. He was glad he only worked on the weekends, at the rate he was going he wasn't sure how he would have made it through a shift. He hated lying to the Cohen's but he had too. All week long Kirsten had been asking him if he was alright, she obviously knew something was wrong.

In order to ease her suspicions he made sure he was up in time for breakfast and made it to dinner the rest of the week. He even took to studying in the kitchen or playing a few rounds of video games with Seth, anything to make him seem like he was fine.

"So I was thinking we could go to that party at the beach tonight?" Summer asked Ryan Friday afternoon as they sat in the library. Seth and Summer were sitting there with them, the four of them studying for midterms next week. It was more like Ryan and Marissa were studying while Seth and Summer flirted and played tic tack toe or hangman. He couldn't help but think how perfect those two were for eachother.

"Sure," Was Ryan's quick reply. Marissa glanced over at Seth who just shrugged before going back to his game of tic tack toe he had going on with Summer.

"Me and Summer will meet you guys at your house at 8?" She asked as she looked at the three of them. Seth and Summer nodded while Ryan kept reading.

"Ok." He said as he wiped underneath his nose.

Seeing as he wasn't in the mood to talk the four of them ended the discussion and decided to study. The table was quiet until Summer let out a small shriek followed by an Ew.

"Chino your nose is bleeding."

Ryan placed his hand under his nose and then looked at it. Sure enough there was red blood on his fingers.

"Oh my God Ryan." Marissa hurriedly dug through her purse until she pulled out a napkin and handed it to him. Ryan tilted his head back and applied pressure with the napkin.

"I think I have a tampon." Summer said as she too began to dig through her purse. Seth laughed and Ryan frowned.

"I am nod puding a dampon up my dose."

Summer shrugged and threw it back in her purse. "It works in the movies."

"Maybe you should go see the nurse." Seth said when Ryan removed the napkin.

"I agree with Seth."

"I'm fine. It stopped bleeding I'm just gonna go get cleaned up."

That evening the Cohen's plus Ryan were enjoying a nice dinner when the phone rang. Like any other phone call that they got during dinner Sandy got up and answered it. Ryan silently picked at his salad while he tried to figure out who Sandy was on the phone with. He couldn't help but notice that he seemed to glance over at him every once and a while. Then he heard him say Mrs. Say and he knew he was busted.

"Who was it?" Kirsten asked as Sandy sat back down at the table. Ryan didn't make eye contact instead he stuffed his mouth with lettuce and kept his eyes on his plate.

"That was Ryan's English teacher."

Kirsten looked at Sandy and then Ryan. "English teacher?"

"Why doesn't Ryan explain." Sandy said as he looked at the blonde headed boy.

Times like these Ryan wished he was invisible or at least the Cohen's hadn't taken him in. His mom never cared about how he was doing in school. She looked at his report cards long enough that she could sign them so he could take them back to his teacher. "Imfailingherclass." He said quickly

"Excuse me?" Kirsten asked even though she clearly knew what he was mumbling.

"Apparently Ryan has been falling asleep in class and his grades have slipped. If he doesn't ace is midterm next week as well as his research paper he won't pass the class." Sandy explained seeing as the teenager wasn't going too.

Kirsten was shocked. Last semester Mrs. Say had praised Ryan on how well he was doing in her class. "I don't understand. You were doing so well in her class."

"I'm sorry."

"Well I'm sorry isn't going to cut it. You're grounded until midterm grades come out." Kirsten told him as she began to clear off the table. "No going out with Marissa or hanging out with Seth. You are to go to school and then come straight home."

"What about work?" He asked as he helped clean up the kitchen. If he was going to get in trouble he could at lease help clean up.

"You only work on weekends so that should be ok. However if your grade hasn't improved maybe you shouldn't have a job."

"They will I promise." He said as he stuck the salad dressing in the fridge and grabbed a rag to wipe of the table.

Ryan was sitting in the din typing up his research paper when Seth, Summer and Marissa came in their backpacks in toe. Ryan was confused. They were supposed to go to that beach party but seeing as he was now grounded he was stuck here doing homework. Not that he wanted to go to the party very much anyways. Parties weren't his thing.

"What are you doing here?" Ryan asked as he looked up from the computer.

"I convinced The Kirsten to let us have a little study session." Seth said as he plopped down next to Summer on the couch. Marissa walked over to Ryan and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"What about the party?" he asked looking up at her.

"It's just a bunch of Harbor students getting wasted." She explained as she kissed him. "I'd rather be here with you, make sure you pass that English midterm."

The four of them all crowded around the coffee table ready for a night of studying. Ryan had his English pulled out; Seth history, Marissa had out anatomy, Summer being Summer pulled out her newest gossip magazine and began to flip through it.

"How's the studying going?" Kirsten asked as she walked into the din with a snack for the group.

"Great Mrs. C." Summer replied as she sat down her magazine.

"Sum you haven't even opened up your textbook yet." Marissa said with a laugh.

"Well Ryan I hope you're studying is going a lot better than Summers."

"Don't worry mom. Ryan is going to ace his midterm."

Kirsten left the snacks on the table and was about to leave when she saw another bruise on Ryan, this time it was on his arm. It wasn't as green and yellow as the one she had seen the other day, but it was still there. She couldn't help but wonder where these bruises were coming from. He had promised them that he would stop fighting but had he really? He did lie to them about his grades.


	3. Chapter 3

Work was going to suck. He was still exhausted and to make it worse he had woken up with a headache. Not exactly a great condition to work in. He was in the process of tying his shoes when there was a knock on the door. Looking up he watched as Sandy and Kirsten entered, they both had serious looks on his face and he knew they wanted to talk about something.

"Can we talk to ya for a second Kid?" Sandy asked

Ryan shrugged. "Sure."

The two of them walked over to where he sat. Sandy sat down in the chair while Kirsten took a seat on the bed. "Ryan I'm starting to worry." Kirsten said in her motherly voice.

"Look if this is about my grades-" Sandy cut him off before he could finish.

"Kirsten noticed a few bruises you had."

"There from soccer practice. Coach has been working us really hard." Ryan explained as he got up and grabbed his jacket.

"Ryan I spoke with your coach. He said you haven't shown up for practice in two weeks."

"Wait you think I'm fighting again don't you?" Ryan asked as the realization of the situation hit him. "I told you guys I was going to stop." He said obviously hurt by their accusation.

"If your not getting into fights then where are these bruises coming from?" Kirsten asked as she walked over to him and tried to put a calming hand on his shoulder, Ryan pulled away.

"I have to get to work." He said anger seeping through his voice as he put his coat on and walked out the pool house door, slamming it on the way.

The Crab Shack was one of the busiest Ryan had ever seen it. He had been running none stop, bussing tables and getting customers drinks. He had been working for nearly two hours and he doesn't think he stopped to take a breather once. He would get done with one thing and then he would have to start another.

He was currently cleaning off a table when his boss yelled at him. "Atwood! Table four needs to be cleared."

"Coming." Ryan yelled as he threw the rag into the bucket and headed over to the next table.

"Kime sure is in a pissy mood tonight." Amanda, one of the waitresses said as Ryan sat the bucket on the counter.

"Yeah he is." Ryan said as he tried to catch his breath. All this running around was making him out of breath.

Amanda could tell something was up with Ryan. All night he had been quiet and he seemed a little pale in the face. "Are you alright?" She asked him

Ryan nodded. "Just a little dizzy it will pass in a second." He said as he gripped the counter for support.

The room was spinning and his head was killing him. He had no idea what was wrong with him. Ryan tightly gripped the counter for support hoping it would pass. Amanda had other ideas, jumping off the bar stool she had been sitting at she wrapped her arm around his waist and guided him over to the chair to sit.

"What the hell is going on over here?" Drew Klime, their boss asked as he walked over to were Ryan was sitting and Amanda was hovering over him.

"Something is wrong with Ryan." Amanda told him.

Ryan tried to listen but his ears were ringing and his head was pounding. He heard the words parents, hospital ambulance and his head shot up, something that was not the best idea. His head once again began to pound.

"No hospital." He told them his voice shaky.

Drew had no idea what to do in a situation like this. Could he get in trouble for having a kid nearly pass out at work? His parents were rich and he was pretty sure his dad was a lawyer. They could definitely sue him for child abuse or something couldn't they?

"Alright we won't call an ambulance but I am calling your parents. Amanda go get him some water while I help him get to the break room." Drew helped the kid up and guided him towards the break room. The whole restaurant had been staring at the scene the whole time and he knew this was not good for business.

Ryan was lying on the couch in the break room when he heard the door quietly open. Looking up he saw Kirsten and Sandy, the two automatically came to his aid.

"Ryan honey what happened?" Kirsten asked as she rubbed his bangs back and felt his forehead

"I just got a little dizzy." He told them as he sat up. Ignoring the dizziness that it brought about .

"Ryan you look exhausted."

"Maybe we should take him to the hospital?" Sandy asked looking over as his wife.

"Please no hospitals." Ryan said shaking his head. "I'm just tired."

Kirsten sighed still not sure if they should just take him home. "Alright let's get you home."

Sandy helped Ryan up and the two placed an arm around his back, while Ryan swung his arms over their shoulders. He just wanted to get home and curl up in his warm bed.

Kirsten insisted that she sit in the back seat with him and he didnt have the energy to argue with her. He leaned his head against the cool window falling asleep instently. When they pulled up to the house Kirsten and Sandy both guided him to the pool house. When he returned from changing in the bathroom Kirsten handed him two advil and a glass of water. One he was safely in bed she kissed the top of his head and assured him that if he needed anything to just call.


	4. Chapter 4

"Maybe I should go check on him?" Kirsten said the next morning. It was nearly eleven and they had not seen Ryan all morning. It wasn't odd that he was still asleep; he and Seth both tended to sleep in late on the weekends. They had only seen their dark haired son long enough for him to eat a bowl of cereal and head back up to bed mumbling something about Sunday being a day to worship your bed along the way.

"He always sleeps late on weekends."

Grabbing a bottle of water Kirsten sat down next to Sandy at the counter. "I know but he almost passed out yesterday Sandy."

"Let's just let him sleep it off. If he still isn't himself tomorrow will take him to the doctor."

"He still needs to eat." Kirsten said sill wanting to check on Ryan. "He hasn't been eating much lately."

"Kirsten. Ryan isn't five. He knows how to make food if he's hungry." Sandy said as he took a sip of his coffee and put down the paper he was reading.

"Fine but if I don't see him in the next two hours I'm going to check on him."

Ryan lay in bed still exhausted. He had been sleeping for nearly fifteen hours. After Kirsten and Sandy came and picked him up from work he passed out the moment his head hit the pillow. That was 8 the night before now it was eleven the next morning. The only time he thinks he ever slept that much was when he was ten and broke his arm. Between the surgery and the morphine he slept for nearly a day straight.

The moment he sat up he was automatically dizzy. He really needed to learn not to sit up so fast. Once he was fairly sure it had passed he decided to go take a shower. Maybe that would make him feel better.

"He's alive!" Seth announced when Ryan walked through the kitchen door from the backyard.

Ryan let out a small wave and half smile before grabbing a Sprite out of the fridge and sitting down at the counter.

"So I heard you passed out at work?" Ryan just turned and glared at Seth. "Ok no talking about that."

"Oh Ryan your awake." Kirsten said happily as she carried in a few bags of groceries. "Feeling better?"

"Uh yeah. Thanks for a coming to get me last night."

"No problem, your family now Ryan." Kirsten said with a smile as she began to empty the bags and put the groceries away. "Have you eaten yet? I brought home some soup."

It wasn't that his stomach was upset or anything, he just wasn't hungry, and he hadn't been hungry for the last week or so. "I actually just ate a sandwich. But thanks though." Ryan could tell that Seth was about to say something the moment he opened his mouth. He quickly kicked him in order to stop him from blowing his cover.

"Oh we'll good. I was thinking we could order some Chinese for dinner tonight?"

"Sounds great. I'm just gonna go do some homework."

"Dinners at six don't be late."

Ryan didn't plan on getting any homework done. Instead he went straight to his bed and pulled the covers up over him tightly falling into a deep sleep. He woke up hours later burning up. Groaning he went to turn the thermostat up and threw his t-shirt and sweat pants on the floor. He didn't even realize it was already a quarter till six.

"Ryan?" Kirsten said softly as she opened the door of the pool house. She had told him to be ready for dinner at six and it was already six thirty. Closing the door behind her she spotted Ryan sleeping. He had the covers pushed at his feet with just his boxers on. She thought it was freezing in here and she was in jeans and a long sleeved shirt.

"Ryan dinner is here." She said walking over towards him, still no reply. Touching his shoulder to try and wake him she felt the heat of his skin. She pushed his hair out of the way and placed the back of her hand on his forehead. He defiantly had a fever and there were little beads of sweat. "Ryan sweetie, can you wake up for me?" She asked as she sat down next to him and gently shook his shoulder.

Ryan let out a grown before slowing opening his eyes. "Kirsten? What time is it?" He asked as he tried to sit up but that just gave him a headache. Laying back down he covered his face with his hands.

"It's nearly six thirty. Are you feeling alright? You felt pretty warm."

"I just have a headache. I'll be at dinner in a minute."

"You're not going anywhere." Kirsten said sternly. "I'm going to get you a thermometer and something for your headache."

Kirsten returned five minutes later. She had a thermometer and bottle of Advil in one hand and a glass of water in the other. "Open up." Ryan figured she would make him get his temperature taken no matter what so he obeyed the first time.

The two quietly waited for the beeping of the thermometer. Once it went off Kirsten took it. "101.3." She read out loud.

"Is that bad?" He asked as he took the two Advil she had given him and swallowed them with a drink of water.

"It's not bad but it's not good. Why don't you get some rest and I will check on you later ok?"

Ryan nodded he waited for Kirsten to leave before he got up to go to the bathroom, where he noticed a nice green bruise on his arm. Where did that even come from?

When Kirsten came to check on Ryan the next morning she wasn't surprised to find him sprawled out on his bed once again. You could tell he felt miserable. His skin was pale except for his rosy red cheeks and he had a look of discomfort on his face. Walking over to him she gently placed her palm to his forehead, the heat radiating through her palm and she knew his fever had spiked.

"Ryan." She said softly as she shook his shoulder. He didn't stir. "Ryan I need to take your temperature." After a few more moments she felt him stir.

"I don't feel so good." Ryan mumbled under his breath as he turned to face Kirsten.

"I know baby." She said softly as she pushed back his damp bangs. "Let me take your temperature then you can go back to sleep."

Ryan didn't say anything instead he just opened his mouth for the thermometer and hoped that whatever he had would pass. His head was pounding and he was hot as could be. He just wanted to make it stop.

Kirsten took the thermometer out of her sick son's mouth and began to panic. He had a fever of 104.2 that was much higher than when she checked on him last night.

"Just make it stop." Ryan mumbled as he curled up on a ball. "Please."

Hearing him talk like this she knew something was wrong. Ryan wasn't one to ask for help and right now he was almost crying for help. "I'm going to get you some help sweetie." She said softly as she rubbed his back. "I'm going to go get Sandy so he can help me get you to the car. Then we're going to take you to the doctor ok?"

After getting Sandy, who was beginning to worry just as much as Kirsten was about Ryan's health, they headed to the pool house. Sandy had never seen the young boy so helpless. It took the both of them to get him dressed and out to the car. Once he was safety in the back seat, his head resting in Kirsten's lap, she began to play with his hair hoping it would comfort him. The twenty minutes it took to get to the hospital was the scariest twenty minutes of Kirsten's life. Because in those twenty minutes Ryan was no longer coherent.


	5. Chapter 5

Kirsten kept pacing back in forth in the hospital waiting room. They had taken Ryan back to an exam room nearly an hour ago and Kirsten and Sandy had not heard a thing. To say Kirsten was scared was an understatement. She was terrified. Ryan had passed out right there in front of her eyes and he had a dangerously high fever.

Guilt washed over her. How had she not noticed he was so sick? If it had been Seth would she have noticed from the start? She should have taken him to the doctor the night before when they picked him up from work. She would have if it was Seth so why hadn't she with Ryan? Seth loved to be babied when he was sick so even the slightest cold she knew about. Ryan was different. He didn't like to be a bother; he would mask his symptoms and pretend he was perfectly fine.

She thought of Ryan as her own son. In the past nine months she had grown to love the misjudged teen as her own. He was a part of the family and if something happened to him, she knew they would all fall apart. He was the one who got put their family back together. She hadn't even known they were falling apart in the first place until the blonde hair blue eyed boy showed up.

He had gotten Seth to become more social. If it wasn't for Ryan Seth never would have had the nerve to tell Summer how he felt. He would have never stepped out of his comfort zone of video games and comic books and made friends.

She and Sandy's relationship had changed for the better too. They realized what it was like to love one another again. Life wasn't all about work. It was about family and showing your loved ones you cared. It was about helping others out even if that meant taking in a rebellious 16 year old boy.

"The parents of Ryan Atwood?" A young man appeared in the doorway of the waiting room. He looked to be in his early forties. He had brown hair that was no doubt starting to thin and he had rectangular glasses perched on the top of his knows.

"That's us." Sandy said as he stood up and wrapped his arm around his wife's waist. He hated seeing Kirsten so scared like this.

"I'm Dr. Miller." He explained as he shook both their hands. "When Ryan came in here his fever was very high. We managed to get it to go down with an ice bath and then we had him on ice packs. His fever is still high but it is no longer life threatening. We have him on antibiotics as well as IV fluids. We sent his blood work off to the lab and we are still currently waiting on the results from that."

"So you don't know what is wrong with him?" Kirsten asked. How hard was it to figure out what was wrong with someone when they were so sick to begin with?

"Not yet. Like I said we are currently waiting on the results from his blood work."

"Can we see him?"

"Of course."

The ER was filled with people; nurses, doctors, patients, they filled the large room. Dr. Miller guided Sandy and Kirsten over to the corner of the room and behind a tiny curtain. There laid Ryan hooked up to an IV and heart monitor, a nasal canal resting under his nose.

Kirsten automatically went to his side and kissed his forehead before pulling a chair up by his bed and grabbing his hand.

"I will be back as soon as his blood work is back from the lab." Dr. Miller told Sandy as he lightly squeezed the parents shoulder.

Sandy walked over to Kirsten and pulled up the only other chair next to her.

"Hey sweetie how are you feeling?" She asked Ryan as he began to wake up. He blinked his glassy eyes a few times and looked around trying to take in his surroundings.

"M ok." His voice sounded raspy and tired. "What happened?"

"You had a pretty high fever and you passed out when you were in the car." He slightly remembers a doctor shining a light in his eyes and someone else undressing him as was submerged into ice cold water.

"I'm sorry." His teeth chattered when he said it. "S'cold."

"They have you one ice packs to keep your fever down." Kirsten explained as she pulled the cover up around him. "I'll see about getting you another blanket."

"Ryan don't be sorry for being sick, everyone gets sick you understand?" Sandy asked sternly. The young boy nodded as his eyes began to dip closed with exhaustion. "Good now why don't you get some more rest."

Kirsten couldn't understand why they wouldn't move Ryan up to a room. They obviously were not going to be leaving the hospital any time soon and they still had him in a tiny section of the ER. Behind the curtain there was his small hospital bed as well as the two chairs that she and Sandy occupied. She had no idea how Doctor Miller and the female Doctor that she learned was named Doctor Banks managed to fit behind the curtain with them.

"We have Ryan's blood results back." Dr. Miller said as he carried a binder with him. "Ryan's blood work showed signs of Anemia. Anemia is when your body does not have enough healthy red blood cells. That would explain the fatigue and dizziness you have been feeling. We looked further into your blood work and we noticed some abnormal cells. I am sorry to inform you guys that those abnormal cells were leukemic blasts."

"I I don't understand?" Sandy asked even though he perfectly well understood.

"Ryan is showing signs of Leukemia." Dr. Miller said softly. Kirsten automatically reached over and gave Ryan's hand a squeeze.

"So you're saying I have cancer?" His voice was shaky and quiet sounding as he said the words.

"Dr. Bank's here is going to want to do a bone marrow aspiration," He pointed to the tiny blonde headed female who had been quietly standing there. "To complete the diagnosis but yes."

"Why can't you do it?" Kirsten asked Dr. Miller.

"Dr. Banks is an Oncologist; she specializes in this as well as pediatrics. Ryan will be much better off with her as his primary doctor then me."

Kirsten sat back against her chair and tried to take it all in. How could he have cancer? He didn't deserve this; he had been through so much in his sixteen years of life. Now this was something else to add more weight to the poor boys shoulders.

"We will come and get you in an hour for the bone marrow aspiration. If you guys need anything at all don't hesitate to ask." Dr. Banks gave them a small smile before following Dr. Miller outside the curtain.

Sandy squeezed Kirsten's shoulder, Kirsten squeezed Ryan's hand, Ryan just sat there. He was just given a death sentence. He had cancer. He could die.

He sat there awestruck in bed. Kirsten got up from her chair and sat next to him wrapping her arms around him. Ryan promised himself one thing as she rubbed his back and told him that everything was going to be ok and that they were going to get through this, he would not cry.


	6. Chapter 6

Ryan waved goodbye to the Cohen's as he was wheeled away for his bone marrow aspiration. He wasn't exactly sure how this thing worked but he was pretty sure it was going to hurt. His doctor; the new one, had explained that they were going to give him some local anesthetic to help numb the area and then she would use a needle to extract the marrow.

"I'm going to have you curl up in a ball and wrap your arms around your knees ok?" Ryan climbed up on the table and did as he was told. Dr. Banks covered his lower half with a thin sheet and then lifted the back part of his hospital gown up.

"First I'm going to give you the anesthetic. Do you want me to count to three?"

Ryan thought about it and then decided it was a bad idea. "Just do it." Closing his eyes tightly he waited for the pain to come. He was surprised when it just felt like he was getting a regular shot.

"Can you feel this?" Ryan figured she was touching the area on his back because he didn't feel a thing.

"No."

"Good. Alright now comes the bone marrow aspiration. Do you want me to skip the counting again?"

Ryan nodded. He once again closed his eyes tightly this time he wasn't expecting much pain since she numbed it but boy was he wrong. It felt like his back was burning and this was no sting like a shot, it hurt like hell. A searing pain went up his spine all the way to his head it felt like his whole body was on fire and being stabbed with a thousand sharp needles at once. He was automatically overcome with a headache and there was a ringing sensation in his ears. He tasted blood and realized he had been biting his lip.

After what felt like hours he finally heard Dr. Banks say she was finished.

"I'm going to have you lay still for about thirty minutes. Sometimes if you move around right after one of these it can make you sick." Ryan nodded as she covered him up with the small sheet. His head felt all fuzzy and his mouth was dry. His eyes began to feel heavy and he drifted off to sleep.

Kirsten passed back in fourth as they waited for Ryan to return from his biopsy. She could not wrap her head around the fact that her son had cancer. She remembers when her mom was diagnosed, she was so sick and weak all the time the treatments made her numb, and she got to the point to where she was no longer the same person she had been before. She couldn't see Ryan like that; she wouldn't let him get like that.

"Kirsten sit down." Sandy said softly at his pacing wife. Kirsten shook her head and continued to wear a whole in the floor.

"Maybe they were wrong." She told him her voice shaking. "Maybe the biopsy will come back and they will realized they miss diagnosed him."

Sandy did the only thing he knew that he could do. Standing up he walked over to his wife and wrapped his arms around her. Kirsten crumbled in his embrace as sobs wracked her whole body. "He can't die." She repeated the words over and over again as Sandy kissed the top of her head and held her.

"He's not going to die honey. Will make it through this."

When he woke up he was back in a hospital bed, this time he was in a room and not in a small area of the ER. Kirsten was sitting beside him, in a chair that looked more comfortable than the one in the ER. She had her legs crossed and one hand had an open book while the other was nursing a coffee. The room was obviously in the pediatric ward of the hospital. It was painted a pale green and yellow, there was a mural on the far wall with a sun shining and an apple tree.

"What time is it?" Ryan asked as he turned to look at her. His voice was raspy and dry.

Closing her book she smiled. "You're awake and its five thirty."

He wasn't sure if she could tell by how he sounded or if it was her mother instincts kicking in but she handed him a small cup filled with water. "Sip it slowly." After taking a couple sips he leaned back down.

"We have your results back." Dr. Banks explained as she walked into his hospital room carrying a white binder. Kirsten helped Ryan sit up and then sat down next to him in his bed; she grabbed his hand and squeezed it for what seemed like the millionth time that day. Ryan gave her a small smile and then turned to face Dr. Banks.

"Do you want to wait for Sandy?" She asked the two.

"No he went home to check on Seth. I'll call him."

"Well Ryan your bone marrow aspiration conformed that you do have Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia."

Kirsten covered her mouth while she tried to keep the tears from falling. She couldn't break down like she had earlier; she had to be strong for Ryan.

"The most common form of treatment for this is chemotherapy. I won't go into great detail on your treatment plan until I figure out exactly what route we are going to take."

"When will you know that?"

"Tomorrow afternoon. The main thing I want to discuss with the two of you is an intravenous catheter called a portacath. Do either of you know what that is?" Both blondes shook their head. "A port is a small round medical disk that is inserted under the skin that is connected to a vein; it is usually inserted in the upper chest just below your collar bone."

"What is the point of it?"

"We will be able to insert any form of medication through it as well as draw blood. It helps you feel less discomfort and veins along your arms and hands can only take so much before they become shot and we are no longer able to insert an IV there."

"How long will I have it?" Ryan asked. He didn't know if he liked the idea of having something implanted under his skin. "It won't be noticeable will it?

"Until your course of treatment it over." She explained. "Nobody will know it's there the only indication you will have is a small scar after the stiches heal."

Dr. Banks talked to them for a few more minutes before she left and a nurse came in. A nurse returned with a dinner tray and Ryan was slightly afraid of what he would find. Hospital food was usually never good. Lifting the tray lid he found a bowl with macaroni and cheese.

"They came in earlier when you were asleep. I know macaroni is your favorite." Kirsten explained.

Ryan smiled. He didn't think Dawn had ever known what is favorite food was. "Thanks." Taking a bite he was glad to find out that it didn't taste that bad. It wasn't as good as the kind that he would order from the nearby deli or when Marissa made it but it would do.

"I'm going to go call Sandy. Do you need anything while I'm gone?" Kirsten asked as she grabbed her phone from inside her purse.

"M fine." He picked at his food for a few more moments before deciding he was done. Sure it didn't taste like cardboard but he still didn't have that big of an appetite.

It was the first time he found himself alone since he was in the hospital. He tried to wrap his head around today's events. He had cancer. He was going to have to go through chemotherapy. He was going to be sick all the time. His life was going to be like a living hell.

What had he done to deserve this? Sure he stole a car once got into a fight here and there but was that all so bad that he had to get cancer? Would he be like those sick kids he always saw in the commercial, bald and as small as a toothpick? Would he have to stay in the hospital all the time? Were people going to treat him differently now that he was sick? He was the kid from Chino, people hated him but it wouldn't surprise him if people suddenly decided to be his best friend.

This was the worst thing that could possibly happen to him. He would rather take the punches, the fights, the beatings from his dad, AJ and his moms other boyfriends then have to go through this. He had always thought he was strong but now he wasn't so sure.


	7. Chapter 7

**I really love all the feedback you guys have been giving me. I enjoy writing this story and I'm thrilled that there are still people out there reading O.C fanfiction. I am new to the whole O.C world so I'm glad people our still interested. Like you guys asked I tried to get more inside the characters heads in this chapter. You have read a little bit on Ryan and Kirsten's thoughts so this chapter focuses on Sandy and Seth. Please keep up the reviews!**

**Thanks XOXOJordan**

Sandy found himself alone for the first time in what seemed like days as he sat in the driveway trying to prepare himself for the task at hand. It was time to break the news to Seth.

He had to calm Kirsten down after she broke down crying for the second time that day when she watched the nurse and orderly roll Ryan from the gurney he had been sleeping on onto his bed, the only indication that he was even alive was the moan he let out and the rise and fall movement of his chest. However Kirsten was now calmed down and attempting to do paperpwork while Ryan was sleeping peacefully.

He didn't deserve this. Nobody deserved this. He should be worrying about girls, school, what he wanted to make of himself once he finished high school, not whether each breath would be his last, whether he would make it to see another day.

He didn't understand why two people that he loved so much in his life were both battling this dreadful disease, first his mother now Ryan. He didn't know what it was like for his mom, sure he talked to her on a weekly bases to make sure she was doing ok, but he never saw her deal with the effects of the treatment. With Ryan he would see it all, he would see him tired, weak, sick, he would see the good days and he would see the bad.

He was afraid at how Seth would react once he found out. The curly haired sarcastic teen was already worried enough about his best friend. He had called numerous times wanting to come visit him in the hospital, it took Sandy nearly an hour to convince him that he had to go to school. Pulling into the driveway he braced himself for whatever was about to happen.

Seth couldn't help but notice how exhausted his dad looked. His hair was a mess, something that Jew's did not handle well, he would know, he had bags under his eyes and his shirt was wrinkled. He figured that's what happened when you spent nearly two day's at the hospital.

"How's Ryan?" He asked the moment Sandy sat down next to him on the couch, he propped his feet up on the coffee table and sighed, closing his eyes.

"He's hanging in there."

"Dad." Seth said as he looked at his father.

Sandy's heart broke when he saw the worry in his son's eyes. Seth was usually the sarcastic witty teen who only loved to talk about him; right now he saw another side of his son. He was generally scared for his foster brother's well-being.

Seth was afraid to ask, for the past two days he had been worrying constantly about Ryan. He spent nearly three hours the night before googling Ryan's symptoms. Who every invented WebMD had to of done it to scare the living shit out of people, that website could make the common cold look like a deadly disease.

Taking a deep breath Seth braced himself, "What, what's wrong with him?" The look on his dads face he knew it was bad. "It's bad isn't it?"

Sandy placed his hand on Seth's knee. "It's not good." He said with a sigh. "Ryan has leukemia Seth."

"Wh-what?" Seth shook his head not believing his father. "You're lying dad."

He wished he was lying. "I wish I was son."

Seth tried to fight back the tears that where threatening to spill over. "Seth we have to stay strong for Ryan." Sandy told him.

"I have homework." Standing up he quickly made his way up the steps and into his room shutting the door behind him. Plopping down on his bed he reached for Captain Oats and held the plastic horse like it was a life line.

Ryan; his best friend, his brother had cancer. How could he have cancer? People you loved weren't supposed to get cancer and now three people he loved dearly had this deadly disease. He doesn't remember his mom's mom that well, she was diagnosed when he was only a toddler and from what he heard the cancer took over before she even got a chance. Then there was the Nana she didn't even want to fight until her dad convinced her there was something worth fighting for.

What if Ryan was like that? What if he didn't think he should fight? He couldn't imagine a world without Ryan. Before Ryan he was a nobody, everyone at school thought of him as that Emo Geek. He spent his days reading comic books and playing video games alone. Before Ryan Summer would have never given him the chance of day, he never would have known what it was like to have real friends. He was happy for the first time in his life and he owed it all to Ryan

"I have to be strong, for Ryan." Seth told the plastic horse as he used the sleeve of his shirt to wipe of the tears he had shed.

He wasn't sure how long he sat in his room, Death Cab playing and Captain Oats in his hands. It had to have been a couple hours, it was dark outside and both his dad and Rosa had tried to get him to come downstairs for dinner. He didn't want to sit down at the family table, it was called a family table for a reason, it was meant for the whole family and if not everyone was going to be there then neither was he.

"Seth, I'm heading back to the hospital." Sandy said as he knocked on the door. He waited for a reply but there wasn't one. "I'll make a deal with you, if Ryan is up to it then tomorrow you can come see him." Jumping up out of bed Seth ran to his door and opened it.

"I can?"

Sandy smiled. "I had a feeling that would get you to open your door. I think it would be good for Ryan, good for the both of you."

Seth nodded. "I'll be back in a couple hours vising hours end at eight and I don't think I can convince your mom to come home for the night and let me stay with him."

Sandy was almost down the hall when Seth's voice stopped him. "He is gonna be alright isn't he?" He asked. "He-he isn't going to like die right?"

For the first time in Sandy's life he had to lie to his son. "He is going to be fine." He had no idea what was going to happen. This wasn't something you could just predict the outcome, nobody knew what would happen. They were just going to have to take it day by day and pray for the best.


	8. Chapter 8

He wakes up with a feeling he knows all too well. His stomach is turning and he can feel the acid coming up his throat. Sitting up he feels a slight discomfort where he assumed they inserted his port. He looks around the room for a bucket or something. He needed to act fast before he lost his cookies in his bed, all over himself.

After not seeing anything that could possibly help him in his time of need he slowly sits up and begins to make his way to the bathroom. His body aches with every step and it's a pain dragging his IV behind him.

He's almost to the bathroom when he realizes he's not going to make it. Leaning over he hurls what little he had eaten for dinner the night before and what every else was in his now empty stomach.

He stands there with sweat dripping down his face, panting. He doesn't know what to do in this situation. Does he try to clean it up or does he call a nurse or doctor or something. One thing he does know is that his throat and stomach are killing him and he just wants to crawl back into bed.

Just as another wave of nausea overcomes his body and he is once again throwing up onto the floor, he feels somebody wrap their arms around him and rub his back soothingly.

"Wanna try and walk back to bed?" Kirsten asks when he has finished emptying his stomach. Ryan just nods his head and the two make the journey back to his bed. "I'll page your nurse." She says once she has gotten him safely back in his hospital bed.

Ryan didn't say anything he just turned over on his side and curled up in a fetal position closing his eyes tightly. Maybe if he fell asleep he would wake up and this would all be some horrible dream.

"I hear you're not feeling too great?" A tiny brunette asked as she followed Kirsten into his hospital bed.

"Not really."

"Nausea can sometimes be a side effect of the anesthesia. I'm gonna insert some medicine into your IV that should help. Does your throat hurt at all?"

"Uh yeah." It hadn't started to really hurt until he threw up.

"I'll give you some throat spray and some ice chips to suck on. That's from the tube that was inserted while you had surgery to keep you breathing." She explained. Just the thought of having a tube stuck down his throat, helping him breath, made him cringe.

Ten minutes later the nurse was gone and Ryan sat there sucking on his ice chips slowly while Kirsten pretended to read a magazine. He knew she wasn't really reading it. He would catch her out of the corner of his eye looking up at him every few seconds.

"You can go home if you want." Ryan said awkwardly ten minutes later as he sat down his half eaten ice chips. "I think I'm just gonna go back to sleep anyways."

"Your doctor is supposed to come talk about your treatment within the next hour. Sandy should be here shortly."

Oh right treatment. His doctor had mentioned chemo and radiation among many other things yesterday when they gave him his diagnoses, things that did not seem fun or enjoyable at any cost. Things that would no doubt make him feel even worse than he did right now.

"Why don't you get some rest? I'll wake you up when your doctor comes."

Ryan didn't say anything; he just rolled over so he was facing the curtain and closed his eyes tightly hoping the tears he had been trying to keep in for the past two days wouldn't decide to come.

"Now the treatment plan for ALL generally consists of three phases." Kirsten kept to her word and two hours later the two of them along with Sandy and Ryan's oncologist were discussing his treatment plan. "The first of the three is called remission induction. We will set you up with chemotherapy sessions were you will receive the form of chemo we find that will help you the best. The point of this phase is to get you in remission."

"How will we know he is in remission?" Sandy asked

"A week before every one of his treatment sessions will do a series of test. This is mostly to make sure he is strong and healthy enough for the next round. Things like low blood counts or an infection can set us back a bit. When we do these tests we will also check to see if the treatment is working. If his tests show that he has less than 5% leukemic blast on his bone marrow and blood cells then he will be in remission."

"Then what?" Kirsten couldn't help but notice how quiet Ryan was being during this whole conversation. Here she and Sandy were asking question after question and he was sitting there stating off into space.

"The next step is consolidation. We will continue giving chemotherapy to help prevent the cancer from spreading. Sometimes this is combined with cranio spine irradiation which is radiation given to the spine and brain. After that we will move on to maintenance therapy. This is we're things get easier. This will usually last around three years but you won't be getting nearly as much chemo. You will take two oral pills, one daily and one monthly. Beside that you will get a monthly course of a five day form of chemotherapy. The point of this phase is to kill any cancerous cells that are still hiding out. There usually isn't that many, if any at all but if there are any they can cause you to relapse."

"With this first phase how often will he have to receive the treatment?"

"I would like to see him every two weeks. Generally we will have you come to the outpatient clinic for your treatment. Your appointment will usually be schedule for in the morning and it can last for up to mid or late afternoon. However for your first round we are going to keep you here for a day or two just to make sure your body is taking to it well, any more questions?"

"When will we start?"

"Tomorrow morning. If everything goes good you should be home by Friday."

Ryan was left to wrap his head around all this when Dr. Banks asked to speak with Sandy and Kirsten in the hall. He remembered her saying yesterday that she was a very open doctor. She didn't like to keep anything from her patients. Yet here she was talking about something with the Cohen's and he had no idea what it was.

Three years. He was going to have to go through this hell for three long grueling years. He would nearly be twenty by that time he was done with his treatment, if he made it that long that is. He didn't want to think that way but he had to be realistic. This was bad and not everyone survived it.

He wondered if they had told Seth yet. He hadn't seen him since Monday morning and he had been pretty out of it then. He figured if they had told him he would have been there to visit him already, then again maybe his parents told him not to come. It wasn't like he would be much company to Seth. For the past twenty four hours he just slept.

The rest of the day passed by like the first half had. He slept, picked at his dinner, trying to make it look like he ate a fairly good amount of it, slept again, attempted to watch something on tv, then decided to call it a night.

He woke up to a cramping in his bladder and knew he needed to pee. However instead he pretended to sleep so he could listen in on Sandy and Kristen's conversation. They were talking in hush voices; obviously they didn't want to wake him.

"He isn't talking." Sandy said softly to Kirsten. "Maybe Dr. Banks is right." Right about what Ryan thought?

"You know Ryan isn't one to express his feelings. He's been living with us for nine months and he's only opened up to us a few times." Was Kirsten's reply she must not agree with whatever Sandy was hinting at.

"I get that Kirsten. Ryan is reserved but this isn't girlfriend problems or problems at school. This is big. He needs to be able to talk to someone."

"He will talk to us when he's ready."

Ryan heard a shuffling and figured there conversation was over. Piecing the pieces together he realized they were talking about a shrink. They wanted him to go see a shrink or therapist or something. No way was that happening. He didn't even know how he was feeling how is he supposed to tell it to someone else?


	9. Chapter 9

**Heres a little Seth/Ryan time. :) Hope people are still reading I havent been getting as many reviews as before. For all those who are still reading thanks! Hope you enjoy the latest chapter.**

"I have brought you everything you could possibly need." Seth explained as he walked into Ryan's hospital room and threw a book bag onto his lap.

"I should be home by Friday." Ryan told Seth as he began to dig through the bag. There were DVDs, comic books, Seth's game boy as well as in assortment of games to go along with it. "Plus I have a feeling I'm not gonna be up for much after tomorrow."

"Yeah your right," Seth said sitting on the edge of the bed and nodding his head up and down. "You will probably be too busy tossing your cookies."

"Better watch it Cohen or I'll be sure to aim right for you." Ryan told him flipping through one of the comic books.

"You wouldn't."

Ryan glared at him. "Try me."

Seth hung out with Ryan until visiting hours were over. It was nice to see his best friend again he couldnt remember the last time he had Seth/Ryan time. He had been afraid that Seth would freak out and treat him differently. However he was wrong. They read comic books, watched some movie Seth had picked out and then they talked about Seth's favorite topic of all, Summer.

"Maybe will stop by tomorrow?" Seth said as he walked to the door. "Summer and Marisa both have been asking about you."

"Tomorrow might not be a good idea honey." Kirsten said as she came into Ryan's room carrying a duffle bag. She had gone home early that afternoon to get some paperwork done and bring stuff that Seth obviously hadn't thought about bringing. Comic books and movies were nice but he still needed the essentials, clothes that didn't show his back, a toothbrush and his own pillow and blanket. The hospitals just was to scratchy.

"Oh right the chemo." Seth said slightly disappointed to himself. With Ryan in the hospital he got bored. There was only so much of Summer and her raging blackouts he could handle.

"I'll call you?" Ryan said noticing the disappointment on his face.

"Yeah sure. Night mom." Seth said as he walked over to Kirsten and gave his mom a hug before heading home.

"I see you're not hooked up to an IV at the moment." Kirsten said as she handed Ryan his bag.

Ryan began to dig through it pulling out a wife beater and sweats. "Yeah my fever broke a while ago and they decided to relieve me of the IV for at least awhile that is."

"Well why don't you go shower and get cleaned up, unless you want a nurse to give you a sponge bath?"

"That might not be so bad." Ryan said as he gave her a small smile before heading off into his tiny bathroom.

While Ryan showered Kirsten thought of their previous conversation. He was actually talking and he didn't seem so reserved as earlier. Maybe Seth coming to visit had helped him open up a bit. She knew that those two were fairly close. Ryan was Seth's brother that he never had and Seth was Ryan's brother that he had always wanted. Ryan never talked about his old life much but they knew Trey wasn't exactly the picture perfect brother. The guy did convince Ryan to steal a car after all.

She was glad he stole that car. If he hadn't stole that car he could still be living with Dawn, he would still be skipping school, getting into fights, doing God knows what else. Him stealing that car may not have been the best decision then but it brought Kirsten Ryan, she gained another son and he gained a mom as well as a father and brother.

She didn't know how many times she had thought about what would happen to Ryan if he still lived in Chino. Would he have gone to the doctor? She had a feeling Dawn would have shrugged his earlier symptoms off, tell him to take some medicine and get over it. Dr. Banks told them that they caught his cancer at a good time, before it grew more rapidly and spread. If he lived in Chino and he didn't go to the doctor there was no doubt he would get worse, maybe so worse that there was nothing they could do when they did find out. The thought of that made her cringe.

Ryan slid down against the wall of his shower and let the warm water pelt down on his body. It was nice to just relax without having a nurse poke and prod you every hour or the worried glances of Kirsten and Sandy. The Cohen's had already done so much for him they didn't need to worry about a sick teenager.

He could only imagine how much this was going to cost. He was pretty sure he had insurance provided by the state but no way was it going to cover all this. He wasn't even there kid or there responsibility. They shouldn't have to worry about his medicine, or medical bills, or any of this.

"You should go home and get some rest Kirsten." Ryan said as he walked out of the bathroom his hair still damp and fresh clothes on.

"I don't wanna leave you here by yourself." Kirsten told him as she walked into the bathroom and folded up his towel then throwing his gown into the small laundry basket.

"I'll be fine. I'm going to eat my dinner, watch a movie Seth brought me and probably fall asleep. It's been a long day." Ryan said giving Kirsten the lay down on how his night would be.

All though he wasn't sure if he would be eating his dinner, if you could even call it that. For lunch today they had given him some sandwich that tasted like stale cardboard so much for good food. His macaroni from the night before must have been some special treat. Welcome to the hospital will give you one good meal then the rest are going to suck. Plus ever since he threw up after he woke up from his surgery earlier that morning he stomach still didn't feel the greatest.

"Alright but call me when you wake up in the morning. I don't want you by yourself when you start your treatment." Kirsten said as she walked over to where he was sitting, kissing him on the forehead and giving him a hug.

"Thanks Kirsten for, for everything."

"Ryan we love you your apart of this family."

Ryan nodded. "I know."

Once Kirsten left Ryan laid back in his bed, he didn't understand why it was so hard for him to tell the Cohen's he loved them. They told him that every single day. He told Marissa that he loved her was that so different?

Marissa. He hadn't talked to her since before he was admitted to the hospital. He was almost positive she was freaking out. She had to of known. There was no way Seth wouldn't have told her and Summer. The four of them had become the fantastic four, as Sandy liked to joke. They were always going out on double dates or just lounging around the Cohen's house.

Reaching inside his night stand drawer he pulled out his phone. He hadn't bothered to look at it since he got there. Sure enough there were missed calls and text from Marissa. Not bothering to even look at them he pressed number 2 on his speed dial.

"Ryan?" Marissa's worried voice was heard over the phone. Just the sound of it made him smile.

"Hey."

"It's so good to hear your voice. How how are you doing?"

"I'm doing ok."

"Can I come see you?"

Ryan sighed. "I don't know if that's such a good idea. I start my first treatment tomorrow."

"Oh." he could tell she was upset.

"I get to come home on Friday. Maybe you could stop by then?"

"Yeah that uh that sounds great. I'll see you then." The sadness and disappointment hadn't left her voice.

"Hey Marissa?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Thank you." Ryan smiled at the sound of her laugh over the phone.

"Girlfriend?" Ryan's night nurse asked as she came into his room carrying a tray of supplies.

"Uh yeah. What's that?" He asked, eyeing the tray.

"I have to hook your IV back up. And then I would advise you to finish up with dinner and maybe get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a long day."


	10. Chapter 10

Ryan glanced at the door every time he heard a noise. He was supposed to start his first round of chemo and Kirsten hadn't showed up yet. He didn't want to call and ask her where she was or when she would be here, that would just make him look like a baby, deep down though he did really want her there. He was scared and the thought of having toxic chemicals drip through his body did not sound pleasant.

"Alright Ryan are you ready to get started?" Stephanie, his chemotherapy nurse asked. Ryan took one last look at the door, and then with a small frown on his face he nodded. Stephanie gave him a reassuring smile. "Alright well first I am going to hook one of the catheters up to a bag of Zofran. This will hopefully help with the nausea that tends to be a side effect."

Ryan watched as she lifted his catheter that was attached to his new port. They had hooked his IV up to it last night and he was surprised that it didn't look that bad. There was just a small line with a few stitches. They said the stitches would more than likely dissolve within the next couple weeks.

Ryan looked up from where he was watching at the sound of Kirsten's voice. "I'm so sorry I'm late." She told Ryan as she walked over to him and kissed his forehead. "There was in accident on the way here."

"S'ok." He said with a grin. The nerves he didn't even know he had vanished as she grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze before rubbing his arm.

"We were just about to get him started." Stephanie explained. "The first bag," she said pointing to the bag on his IV pole. "Is Zofran to help with the nausea, next I am going to give him a bag of fluids so he doesn't get dehydrated, and lastly this last bag is the first round of chemo, you will be getting three different kind's." She explained as she got everything hooked up.

"Why is it covered in black?" Kirsten asked eyeing the black baggy.

"Light can be damaging to the chemicals."

Ryan gulped as he watched the fluid drip through his Iv and make its way into his body. Toxic chemicals were going into his body.

"Now here is a list of all the side effects that could possible happen." Stephanie handed Kirsten a small binder. "It also has all his medical history as well as explaining his current treatment plan. It helps to keep all the paperwork in order, discharge papers, things like that."

"Thank you. This should be very useful."

"His first round should take about an hour once he finishes I will bring the next one. Just call if you have any questions." Stephanie gathered up all her stuff and gave Ryan shoulder a squeeze. "Just hang in there kid."

Ryan gave his trademark smile and then began flipping through the binder. "Let's see what I'm in for." He told Kirsten. "The oh so popular nausea, hair loss, low blood counts, rash, constipation." Ryan made a face at that one. He hoped he could skip that side effect. "Mouth sores, increase risk of infection."

"I think that is enough for now." Kirsten reached for the binder and took it out of Ryan's hand. Hearing all this made it all so real. She could only hope that Ryan would suffer little to none of these side effects.

The two fell silent neither really knowing what to say. Kirsten felt bad for taking the binder away from Ryan, he had the right to know what could possibly happen to his body, but hearing them out loud, it scared her. It made it all so real, sitting here as he went through his first round of chemo made it all so real. She was trying to be strong she really was but it was hard. Her son was sick. He could die and there was nothing she could do about it. Mothers were supposed to be able to take away the pain and suffering and she couldn't do that. She couldn't make him feel better no matter how hard she tried.

"Hey, Kirsten?" Ryan asked a little while later. He had been silently watching the TV for the last twenty minutes or so while Kirsten let her mind wonder.

"Yeah?" She asked sitting up straight and grabbing his hand. She could tell he was getting tired his voice was soft and he looked like he was trying his hardest to keep his eyes open.

"Could you turn the light off? My head kinda hearts."

"Of course sweetie," Walking over to the doorway Kirsten dimmed the lights and lowered the volume on the TV.

"Thanks." He mumbled as his eyes began to close.

"Get some rest."

"How's he holding up?" Kirsten looked at the clock hanging on the wall as Stephanie came back in. Sure enough it was exactly ten o'clock on the dot. Exactly an hour after she had started his chemo.

"He said he had a bit of a headache." Kirsten told her as she sat down her book.

"That's not uncommon." She explained as she switched out the empty black bag for a new one. "I'm gonna take his vitals real fast then I will leave you two alone."

Kirsten liked Stephanie. She was nice and she never hesitated to explain exactly what was going on. Out of all the nurses she had come across the last few days, she was her favorite. Ryan seemed to like her too.

"Hey Ryan, can you wake up for a minute?" Stephanie asked as she gently woke up the sleeping boy.

Ryan let out a sort of oomph sound before opening his sleep filled eyes. "I just need to check your vitals then you can go back to sleep. How are you feeling?" She asked as she placed a blood pressure cuff around his arm.

"Tired, kind of nauseas."

"That's to be expected, breath in for me." Ryan did what she said. "Now breathe out. Everything seems to look good." She explained as she put away her stethoscope. "Now this one is probably going to take a little longer. I will still be in to check on your at 11, but the cycle probably won't end until twelve." She said to Kirsten more than Ryan, the blonde haired boy had already turned on his side and curled up in a ball with his eyes closed.

He hated being sick. It was one of the worst feelings in the world. Not knowing whether you were going to keep your guts were they belonged, or if you were going to vomit, all over the place. He was hoping it would just pass but after laying there for fifteen minutes it came on full force. Reaching for the pink bucket that Stephanie must have put there for times like these, he heaved into it.

At the sound of vomit splashing into a bucket Kirsten once again put her book down and went to Ryan's aid. Sitting down next to him she grabbed the bucket from his clinched fist and began to rub soothing circles along his back.

"It's gonna be alright Ryan." She prayed that she was right.

Ryan coughed and heaved into the bucket for at least twenty minutes. Kirsten had managed to keep a hold of the bucket and reach over to press the call button. She gave Stephanie a small smile as she entered the room before turning her attention back to Ryan, who had thrown up once again into the bucket.

Stephanie switched out the bucket with a clean one and bent down to Ryan's level. "I need you to take deep breaths." She told him as she looked into his baby blue eyes. There was something about those eyes that just made her feel for him. He was still so young and innocent.

Kirsten continued to rub circles along his back as his coughs soon turned into labored breaths and then he leaned back with his eyes closed, panting like he had just ran a marathon. "I'll see about getting you something else for the nausea." Stephanie told him as she squeezed his knee before grabbing both buckets and walking out to the nurses' station.

When she returned she found him curled up in his hospital bed his head resting on Kirsten's chest as she ran her fingers soothingly through his hair. From the looks of it they looked like they were mother and son. You wouldn't even be able to tell that Ryan was not biologically her son. The sight brought tears to her eyes but she quickly wiped them away, she couldn't get attached to her patients.


	11. Chapter 11

Ryan woke up to the sound of the car engine dying. Slowly opening his sleep filled eyes he took in his surroundings. It took him a minute to realize what was going on. Then he realized he was in the Cohen's driveway. After being in the hospital for almost five days he was home.

"Hey, sleepy head." Kirsten said with a smile as she noticed Ryan was awake.

"How long was I out?" He asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"Hadn't even gotten out of the hospital parking lot."

Ryan leaned his head back against the car. "That has got to be a new record."

Yesterday had been horrible. He had no idea that a person could produce so much vomit. His head was pounding, his whole body ached with every move he took and it was 80 degrees outside and he was dressed in a hoodie and sweatpants and still freezing. He was surprised they let him come home but according to Stephanie he was taking to the treatment well, how the way he feels right now is good he will never understand. Kirsten stuck by him all day and night, never once did she leave him when he was getting sick or when he was shivering because of the chills. She laid in that hospital bed, holding him and telling him everything was going to be alright.

"Ready to face the world?" Kirsten asked as she put her hand on his knee. She could tell he was nervous about going home. "Sandy and Seth moved some of the things into the guest room for you."

Last night Sandy and Kirsten had talked to Ryan about him moving into the guest bedroom. They wanted him to be under the same roof, not because they thought something would necessarily happen, but it made Kirsten feel better knowing Ryan would only be down the hall. He didn't complain, mainly because two seconds later he head his head over a bucket tossing his cookies for probably the 18th time that day.

Ryan gave a small smile before unbuckling his seatbelt and opening the car door. Kirsten put her hand on Ryan's back as she walked alongside him up to the front of the house. The moment they opened the front door the sound of video games came from the living room.

"Cohen, stop doing that!"

"Summer that is the point of the game," Seth grumbled as his girlfriend.

"Haven't you learned anything from dating me?"

"Sum, I think he is right." Marissa's voice was heard through the hall.

"Go say hi, I'll take your bag upstairs and let Sandy know where home." Kirsten said as she kissed Ryan's forehead. "I'm glad your home."

"Me too."

Walking into the living room Ryan couldn't help but smile. Seth and Summer were in the middle of arguing about whatever game they were playing and it looked like Summer was winning. She had just reached for a pillow and began to whack him on the head. Marissa was sitting on the couch sipping a cup of coffee and admiring the whole scene.

"I leave you for a week and they are already ganging up on you?" Ryan asked as he walked into the room. Seth and Summer both stopped fighting as the three turned around at the sound of his voice.

"Your home." Seth said as he threw the pillow onto the ground and walked over to him giving him a hug causing Summer to fall backwards in the process.

"Glad to see my boyfriend likes you better than me Chino." Summer said with a smile as she too hugged Ryan.

Marissa was the last to walk over to where Ryan was standing. "How are you feeling?" She asked as she pulled him in for a hug.

"I'm doing ok." Ryan said as he wrapped his arms around her, taking in the scent of her shampoo. "I missed you."

"Missed you too." She said as she kissed him on the lips.

"Now that this sappy welcome home party is over I think it is time for some Ninja bashing!" Seth said as he clapped his hands together and led the four of them into the living room.

"He looks happy to be home." Sandy and Kirsten were sitting in the kitchen watching the four teenagers in the other room. Ryan had his arm wrapped around Marissa with her head resting on his shoulder. He had a controller in his hand obviously playing some game on the play station. Seth and Summer were sitting on the floor almost in the same position. Seth must have said something because Summer smacked him clear across the back of his head.

"Yeah, he does, doesn't he?" Kirsten said with a smile as she sipped on her coffee. "How are we going to figure all this out Sandy?" She asked with a sigh. "We have never had to deal with anything like this before. There is going to be medical bills and I know his insurance isn't going to cover all of it, and what about school? Dr. Kim already has it out to get him, he already struggles to keep up as it is, and there is no way he is going to be able to keep up now."

Sandy walked over to where his wife was sitting and wrapped his arms around her. "We're just going to have to take it one step at a time. Will see about getting him on our insurance, and as for the school situation I am sure Dr. Kim will understand and if need be we can hire him a tutor or even home school him if we have to."

"Girls I think it's time to head home." Sandy said later that evening. Summer and Marissa had spent most of the evening over. The four played video games and watched some movies. Well it was more like Seth, Summer and Marissa watched movies. Ryan barely made it through the opening credits. The blonde hair blue eyed boy was currently sleeping with his head resting in his girlfriend's lap while she played with his hair.

Marissa leaned down and kissed Ryan. Ryan smiled as he woke up. "This is a good way to wake up." He said kissing her back.

"Me and Sum have to go home." She told him as he sat up.

"Thanks for welcoming me home." Ryan wrapped his arm around her as the two headed for the door.

"Of course. I'll call you tomorrow?"

"Love you."

"Love you too."

Once the girls had left, both Seth and Ryan said goodnight to Sandy and Kirsten before heading off to their respective rooms. Ryan couldn't help but feel slightly odd not going out to the pool house but it was kind of nice living inside the Cohen's house now. Sure he loved that they trusted him and he had so much privacy but he felt like he was a part of the family being under the same roof.

Ryan woke up as a wave of nausea came over him. He hadn't been sick since the night before he came home and he thought that was a sign. Apparently he was wrong. Throwing his millions of covers off his body he made a run for the bathroom. Luckily for him it was just right across the hall, he was pretty sure it was no coincidence that they choose that guest room for him to stay in. The moment he lifted the porcelain lid his stomach muscles violently contracted.

"Oh Ryan," Kirsten said as she came into the bathroom. Ryan looked up but it was only for a split second before he was hurling into the toilet once again. Bending down next to him Kirsten did the same thing she had done the last two days. She comforted him.

"Done?" She asked when nothing else was coming out and he was just dry heaving.

"Think so," He sounded exhausted and his breathing was slightly heavy.

"You just sit tight." Slipping out from behind him he leaned back against the wall. Walking over to the sink she filled a small cup up with some mouthwash and handed it to him. Ryan gratefully took it and swished it around in his mouth, glad to get rid of the taste of vomit. Next she filled up another small cup with water and reached in the cabinet for a bottle of pill's handing him one. "Zofran."

Ryan had had a lot of that stuff in the last few days and it never seemed to work but at this point he would try anything. Placing the little white pill on the tip of his tongue he slowly drank the glass of water.

Once Kirsten had him safely tucked back in bed, she walked over to his desk and grabbed his trashcan placing it at his bedside. He mumbled that he wouldn't need it but she assured him it was just in case. She kissed his forehead before turning off his light and closing the door quietly behind him.


End file.
